As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to associate a very practical meaning with the phrase. Whether Robert Frost thought it was actually a valid idea or not, I personally think it encapsulates an important principle: boundaries.
At its most basic, a fence is just a simple structure that make it clear that this is where your space stops and mine starts, and vice versa. And why the importance of a good fence, as opposed to a line on the ground, or a fence that has a few human-size openings in it? Simply because people invariably find reasons to cross lines. There may be no ill intention. But it happens, and it can be habit-forming. Continually doing so can begin to erode an otherwise-good neighborly relationship.
Granted, this is a Western interpretation of a principle, but I guess I still function mostly as a Westerner. And the reason I’m writing this has nothing to do with my friends next door (they’re awesome!), but just to share some musings I’ve had on how this phrase applies to more subtle areas of life that aren’t defined by physical stones or wooden fenceposts. Specifically the area of personal boundaries, as it relates to the expectations that others (and perhaps even you) have of you.
Let's look at the work environment. I think most of us would agree that good fences make good employees. A company that is always expecting its workers to be available even while on holiday or at home, regularly put in overtime, and give 110% of their energies to achieve its corporate goals would be seen as a toxic work environment. In the employer-employee relationship, work hours and responsibilities that are clearly defined in a job description or contract form a boundary between what your company is entitled to receive from you and what it isn’t. Having such fences in those areas, amongst others, does a lot to keep the relationship healthy.
For people in missionary-type or ministry-related fields, however, knowing how to draw the line and build a wall between the responsibilities of your calling and the real needs of yourself and your family is a very real challenge. Could it be going too far to also say that good fences make…good missionaries? After all, you are in your position not to serve yourself, but serve others, right? So how far do you go in sacrificing yourself or your family to meet the urgencies that will never cease to demand more and more of your time?
It’s a tough question and it’s going to depend on the individual, his or her relationships, and the situation. But it is my belief that good fences there must be in certain areas, otherwise expectations and obligations will invariably encroach into space that belongs to you, perhaps eventually crowding you out. That’s another name for burnout.
When it comes to trying to find the balance between ministry-related work and personal life, I would argue that long-term sustainability should be the goal, of course with a healthy dose of prayer to know how to be adaptable for special situations. What is going to keep you from taking care of your health, spending enough quality time with God and your family, being able to recharge personally? Build a fence and keep it out. In some areas, put up a big huge wall that everyone can see and no one can penetrate.
Selfish? Nah. It’ll just mean your fences and walls will help you stay in the neighborhood longer so you can make a long-term impact.
I want to be careful in what I communicate, because I don’t want to encourage a stinginess while dealing in the currency of helpfulness. I know I have a natural tendency to pendulum-swing too far in that direction after going through a bout of overextending myself. I’m still trying to find that perfect balance and how to be flexible while still retaining the ownership of the boundaries. Some jobs require more of that flexibility than others. Some people have a higher capacity for flexibility than others.
I suppose that’s why a good understanding of your personality and individual makeup are essential. Acquiring that understanding doesn’t come overnight, and will probably come as a result of a great deal of trial and error. But at some point, you start to figure out what your personal needs are and what allows you as an individual to be the best long-term blessing you can be. Then you begin to understand the places where it’s okay to have a gate that’s sometimes left open, and the areas that must have a strong fence or solid wall.
Just as a practical tool, it may be helpful to see tasks and responsibilities that are thrown at you through the lens of the Eisenhower matrix, which has been used in Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (confession: I haven’t read the book yet, sorry…). It’s a really simple graph that makes it instantly clear that tasks can be categorized into just 4 simple groups—urgent and important, non-urgent and important, urgent and non-important, and finally non-urgent and non-important. The first two should take priority, the last one is the obvious time-waster, but the third is the tricky one because urgency imparts a false sense of importance. And this is where we can end up spending most of our time, putting out proverbial fires but not getting ahead in projects that require long-term attention, or keeping up with maintenance that is important but seemingly non-urgent.
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I wanted to write this post to share what I feel may be helpful for others, especially people who work in or are preparing to enter service-related fields. Again, it’s pretty general and I'm not addressing specific situations, but I’m sure someone will be able resonate with what I’m trying to convey. Just remember that there will always be more expected of you than you can give. Also that God supplies what we don’t have. And that there’s a balance between those two principles.
And while you’re thinking about those ideas, here’s one more thought to add. God really does care about the personal welfare of those who serve Him.
“The Lord be exalted, who delights in the well-being of His servant.”
Psalm 35:27 NIV (emphasis added).
