Tell Your Heart

It's almost time. Just finishing up some last-minute packing before I get a bit of shut-eye and then wake up to start the next chapter of life.

I used to love packing for trips. Lately, though, packing is bringing up more than just physical baggage. I'll be honest; this week I had a really hard time facing my suitcase again. The last time I brought it out I had been so excited. The last time I put it away, that excitement had turned into bitter disappointment. I should have been excited about this upcoming trip, but the sad ending of the last one was all I could think of as I slowly filled the suitcase up this week.

On Thursday night I sat at the table trying to work on some particularly dry ATP test questions. I just couldn't focus, as my mind kept running through the same thoughts over and over. But, like an impression here, a verse there, that God has been almost daily sprinkling across my path that last few weeks, the title of a song I'd heard before by Danny Gokey surfaced in my mind. I found it online and started to play it. My eyes misted up and more.

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again

A few posts back I wrote about belief vs. trust. I've been experiencing that conflict for real lately, and now it's time for the rubber to meet the road. I believe God can do amazing things. It's time to trust Him to do them now. And that means looking forward. Choosing the joy that God still has in store.

The song really says it all. I'm ready to do that.

Time to Start Packing

After 13 years as a GA pilot, I'm finally on the cusp of something I'd only dreamed of doing. Next week, I leave to join a regional airline. It still doesn't feel real. I think part of it is because I interviewed and got the job offer over 6 months ago already - so for half a year it's just been an idea.

The other reason it doesn't feel real is because I never thought I'd have a serious shot at being an airline pilot. Since I'm a Seventh-day Adventist Christian and keep the biblical Sabbath from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday, it's pretty tough to work in an industry that runs 24/7. But being able to keep the Sabbath as an airline pilot is not entirely out of the realm of possibility, as my friend found out. He gave it a shot, and God opened the doors for him. So, with the airline industry in the state of severe pilot shortage that that it's in right now, I figured now is the best time to take the plunge and see if God wants to open those doors for me too.

There will be several hurdles to get through, with the most challenging ones probably occurring during training. Then it will be on to reserve, junior line-holder, and then by about six months in, my seniority should have developed to the point where I'm able to consistently get the days off that I bid for. Until then, it will be a lot of praying and a lot of trading. I think the last time I experienced this much uncertainty was when my family and I left the U.S. 18 years ago and came face-to-face with the real possibility that we wouldn't be able to go back home. God worked a miracle for us, and that's another special story for another time. That was a family thing, though. I'm ready to see God work some miracles for me personally now.

Why am I taking this risk? I've asked myself that question quite a few times over the past half year. It basically boils down to the passion for flying God has given me, the skill set He helped me acquire, and the desire to use those for Him. I believe God gives us passions for a reason and that reason is for us to use them in His service. I believe that the airline industry needs committed Adventist Christians in it who can be a blessing, just as much as any other part of the world does. Of course, I could still discover the airlines are not the place for me. Some things you only find out when you try. Some things are perhaps meant to be for a short season, before God turns the page to a new chapter. Either way, I'm looking forward to finding out what God has in store. If He opens up the doors, it's going to be really obvious, and it's going to be really neat to know I'm right in the place where He wants me to be. And so far, the doors have been cracking open ever so slightly. It's going to be an interesting journey.

"With nations, with families, and with individuals, He has often permitted matters to come to a crisis that His interference might become marked." - Christ's Object Lesson, p. 178.

New Beginnings and Old Endings

I said goodbye again today. I made the hour-long drive down to the Mather airport to go one more time to a place where I learned so much, taught others, and had many memorable experiences. Today it was with a big duffel bag full of uniforms, accessories, and company property. I wouldn't be needing those anymore. It was a very relaxed couple hours - turning in my stuff, signing a paper, chatting with the few remaining colleagues who hadn't left for the airlines yet, meeting the new guys who were just starting their own new chapters, wishing my former student all the best. I stayed longer than I planned; that's something I always tended to do there. But finally it was time to head out the door, presumably this time for good - presumably, because who knows where life will take me; I didn't imagine I would end up working here twice.

The goodbye was strangely easy this time. I guess it just helps when you're ready to move on and you've had time to prepare for it. It's not that I won't miss the place. I am grateful for my time at a place with such awesome people and amazing airplanes, and it was good to have this familiar place to land at when I dropped back in from Indonesia during a rather scarce time in the aviation industry. It was also a really helpful refresher to get back into the swing of things in an airline-oriented training environment. But I have to admit, I'm ready to take the next step and see what is beyond flight instructing.

Though it wasn't a difficult goodbye to say today, it was still an ending. And when something that has been a part of my life ends, I invariably find myself thinking of other goodbyes and chapters that have ended. Some are chapters that I have fond memories of, others are ones remembered with a wistful longing to relive them. Some bring smirks of amused recollection and a sense of relief that they are indeed over, while others cause my eyes to mist up as I think of how the story was just getting started when the book itself abruptly ended. Those are the ones that are the hardest to forget and the most poignant to recall.

Now I'm saying another farewell to something familiar and preparing to step into a very big unknown. What I'm currently shooting for could be a short ride to a dead-end. Or it might be the start of something that I could have only dreamed of - except that dreams can sometimes have a way of turning out to be pretty empty too, sometimes. To be certain, I have very mixed feelings about what's next. What I'm hoping for the most is a touch from God, a clear direction from Him.

Well, the next few weeks and months will be telling. I'll try to post the highlights as I have time. And though I'm apprehensive as I step forward, I have to remind myself of some words that speaks courage:

"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you.

He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." 

Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV.