The Way You Expected

2015: I saw myself flying mission planes overseas by 2020

“So, in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to ‘Where do you see yourself five years from now?’” I think we’ve all seen this meme dozens of times by now, but I still chuckle every time I come across it because it’s just so ironically true! And it’s not just the 5-year plan. No one even got their 1-year plan right, because none of us could have seen what we’d be in for in 2020.

One thing I've mused about numerous times over the years is this idea that things often don’t turn out the way you expected them to. I’ve seen this in training pursuits (“I'm going to knock out my training and become a CFI before the summer!”—a year and a half later...), in education ("I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up." "I'm so glad I didn't become a doctor."), the world of romance (“I thought she was the one—and she knew I was not the one"), and in career choices (“They offered me the job! But I didn’t realize there’s nothing out there except cactuses…”).

My one and only year as a Pre-Med student

If I go back through my journals, I know there is no lack of confident prognostications that never came to pass, some of them more amusing and embarrassing than others! It’s just the reality of life that we change, others change, circumstances change. And nowhere are unforeseeable changes more prevalent than in mission field lands.

I tried to keep my expectations as blank as possible when I was getting ready to come to Papua, mainly because it was going to be such a new experience that I really had no idea what to expect anyway. It turned out to be even more unexpected—if I can say this—than I expected!

Didn't think our beautiful campus would end up like this

Who would have ever thought that after nearly a year of waiting for a replacement wing for one of our grounded planes it would arrive damaged? Who would have guessed a flash flood would decimate the campus and set the program back years? Or who in their wildest dreams would have imagined that a family I became friends with here would end up transferring to the country I spent some of my favorite years in as a child, to take the position my dad held when we lived there? (And they’re in the midst of their own huge set of unexpecteds now).

The biggest unexpected for me was that I would end up filling a nonflying role here. My last training flight occurred over a year ago now; it was explained that our one and only operational plane would need to continue servicing the mountain regions and since the second plane was still months away from flying again, there would be no flying opportunities for the time being for a beginner who needed to gain experience in the lowlands. Certainly wasn’t the original plan; but then again, neither were the previously mentioned unexpected events which conspired to complicate the situation.

Final day of training

I could have made the choice to stay in for the long haul—and that’s what was I was originally considering when I first made the decision to come to Papua. After all, this is what I’d been talking about doing for years. But when it came time, a few months after arriving here, to make the decision to sign on for a 5-year term, I was torn. For some reason, it just didn’t feel as if this was the right place for me for long-term, though I couldn’t quite explain why. I had also just gone through a traumatic emotional experience and I wasn’t in the frame of mind to be making that kind of commitment right then. I declined, saying I could only promise 2 years.

I’ll be honest: It’s something I’ve second-guessed multiple times since, sometimes wondering how that played into ending up in a desk job rather than completing my initial training and getting checked out to line. I’ve asked myself what my motives were for coming here—was it just for flying?—and what have my motives been for deciding to return home after my 2 years are finished—is it just because I’m not flying? Hard questions to answer when this occupation is something I spent 10 years training and preparing for.

At least I've found something else to "Excel" at, hehe

And I have to say Yes—and No. Yes, because there are so few people who are in a position to fill the highly specific role of a missionary pilot and even fewer who are actually willing to step forward and take the call, so that’s why I made the decision to come. No, because it’s not about flying a plane, but rather it’s about serving God and helping advance His kingdom.

Then why leave when there’s still so much opportunity for service here? Well, because I am still a pilot and I believe God gave me this skill and passion for a specific purpose. Also, I’ve come to see that for my particular personality, working in this type of setting is actually like trying to put a round peg in a square hole—it can fit, but the peg won’t be very happy, and the hole won’t be completely filled. I’ve realized I need a certain amount of structure in a workplace to be able to give my best contribution and thrive while doing so, and being able to compare my time here with previous work experiences has been really helpful for me to gain that understanding. Though I’ve finally found a niche in the particular work I’ve been helping out with, I know there’s still a uniquely fulfilling calling to be discovered.

So…where to from here? That is a very good question—shall I make a guess?! Haha, perhaps better not, or at least not publicly, since I’m bound to be wrong! Now, more than ever, I am seeing what it means when the Bible says, “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit’; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’” James 4:13-15 NKJV.

On location with the sis during a trip of a lifetime

But the neat thing is that while many things in life haven’t gone the way I hoped, there are just as many or more special surprises that I could never have dreamed up on my own. Ask me a couple years ago where I would enjoy having a holiday and Thailand would not have been part of my answer—and yet personal reasons brought me there and I had such a lovely time that I brought my family the next year! I would never have imagined my sister would be celebrating a wedding on two different continents and our family could be together for it all. And when I look back at the job I managed to land while I was waiting indefinitely to come to Papua, I continue to be amazed at how I somehow stumbled into what was probably the best instructing job in the country for me.

Burning holes through the blue California sky

But was it really by chance? No—you see there’s a verse that says, “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 NASB. God is very much involved in the details of our lives. It’s often necessary for Him to lead us through difficult places on the journey, but He also takes us through amazing landscapes we could never have discovered by ourselves. This is why the writer of the 23rd Psalm could exclaim, “My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life”.

Yes, life is filled with uncertainty, there’s no doubt about it. There will be more tough times ahead, and more joys as well. For a guy like me who likes to be able to plan things out and know what to expect so I can be prepared for whatever situation, it can be daunting to face the reality that I just can’t know how everything will go. But now that familiar verse takes on a new meaning: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11 KJV.

What is that expected end? It’s what the message of the Bible is all about. That after holding onto the Lord’s hand through this journey of life, “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:6. Sound nice? You have no idea!

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

~ 1 Corinthians 2:9 NKJV

Things often don't turn out the way you
expected. But with God...they turn out better